David Goggins, an American athlete and a retired US Navy seal penned down a book called, “Can’t hurt me”. The message was to master your mind so that external influences don’t bother you.

Stoic philosophy talks of building an inner citadel. This involves controlling your inner dialogue, what perception you give to events that occur in your life, the storyline you tell yourselves after an event occurs.

This often gets misinterpreted as shutting yourself out to people. Humans are social beings and connection demands vulnerability. Connection demands the risk of being hurt, the risk of your ego laid bare at the hands of others, the risk of being seen in your rawness and imperfections.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broke. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” – C.S. Lewis

The very act of survival and self-preservation that we seek is truly met when we allow ourselves to be seen as we are rather than building an impenetrable fortress.

“Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” is a famous Proverb 4:23 verse from the Bible. Again, it goes on to mean the same thing. We must guard our inner self- our thoughts, our emotions. They slowly start to shape our realities. This is akin to listening to music that promotes divisiveness. If we listen to such music often, it starts to make home in our being- our thoughts and our emotions. At a time, when we talk of conscious consumption and your leisure being dictated by needs of profit-makers, this becomes all the more important

While it is important that we don’t shut out to people, it is vital to decipher as to whom to allow in and to what extent. Many world religions have focused on the power of community. Sikhism for instance talks about sangat, Buddhism talks about sangha. This is because we become the people we spend our routines, our lives with. Your tribe impacts your vibe.

Voltaire, a French philosopher, talks of cultivating an inner garden. This goes on to mean that we must tend to our minds and how we choose to see things, irrespective of the uncertainties that life comes with. The meaning that we choose to give to events in our lives become our storylines and our sense of self.

We can easily link these two ideas- Once we do cultivate an inner garden, a self that is based on our perceptions and worldview of life, the need for not being hurt doesn’t arise. We automatically are full in our being and pour from that overflow rather than a desire to protect ourselves. When you know yourself, your desire for validation diminishes. When you stand in your truth, you don’t seek evidence in the applause of others for it.

It is because we are rooted that we can flow. Only one who has the capacity to be alone can truly love. For only who has loved oneself can dare to love others. To pour from an empty cup is a breeding ground for resentment. As we stay rooted that external events don’t generate the level of triggers that it usually does.

The amount of inner work one does become the level of safety one creates within. And inner work is a lifelong task. The results of inner work truly spring up when you know you can be hurt in social interactions and still you will be okay.

Why?

Coz you have an inner garden, a sanctuary you can always come back to

Coz you have your own back.